So packing is finally feeling like it’s coming along. I got 2 closets, part of the bathroom, laundry, my walking dead collection, and my kitchen left to do with probably 2-3 boxes worth of randomness to gather up. and ross has his studio. oh, and what’s left of my indoor gardening stuff, just pots and a few soil tubs. Moving day is just a couple weeks away and what till now has only ever been fantasy, it is not with out it’s pain. Tonight I find myself anxious, sad, fearful… moved to nausea. Ive not been feeling good lately to begin with. I had an urgent doctors appointment followed by an ER trip this week hunting for infection and possible return of osteomyelitis but nothing, which is good, but they can’t figure out what’s going on. As I type this I’m coming down from a 99.5 fever again. I’m walking away from my daughter who I already haven’t heard from or seen in well over a year, my brother who I will miss and worry about constantly just cuz I’m me… I don’t want what we’ve built so far to go away. I’ve been using AI to help me keep track of my illness symptoms and therapy, it thinks my fevers are being caused by how my body physically reacts to stress. I hope anyway, makes sense, Im just a week off a 3 week migraine spell, that was fun, it wasn’t constant but almost everyday. I don’t know… but as of this moment..,. I am as hopeful as I am fearful (my DID is off the rails with all this emotional stuff). After reporting myself for fraud again (it happens a lot), I had to have my debit card canceled and pay off a credit card to update payment method for my surprise yearly webhosting charge (the one I reported as fraud at first)… So I plan on keeping the fight going here online for at least another year and offering help, but I guess we are going to be building a new community and only God knows what that looks like at this point. No question big things are coming and there’s still so much work to do, but I still don’t know what type of community He intends for us to build. If we are doing hands on again, if we are going to go bigger online, if we’re going to do the podcast… Am I going to be able to leave my house in the new town? Or will I still fight with the agoraphobia… I still have the option of doing online readings, I also kept a lot of the nicer stuff that I had for my online store so that we can do that from the new location, just don’t have so much stuff now, but with more space I can do ross’s art gallery…and we plan on doing crafting together. But for the first time in as long as I can remember, and I don’t remember shit, I have no idea what I’m doing or what’s going on… and tonight, that is making me uneasy. The stress has got my TD acting up so bad I have blisters on the inside of my mouth from the sucking of my tongue trying to hold it still. Just ugh. Stressed and blessed… I keep reminding myself about how all this lined up for this to even happen. God told me before it happened that it was going to happen. The only thing I’ve heard from him since were the words “Unite Them”… I have to believe it’s all meant to be and that this too, again, shall pass.
Discover more from No More Victims
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
